Purplegerberas's Blog

A rambling collection of my thoughts about life, my children and crafty things

The Nest Effect First Challenge

All these blog posts. Its very obvious I’m off work at the moment. Back to normal tomorrow so will have far less time on my hands.

The first challenge for the Nest Effect has started and its timing is very apt.

The overall theme for the month is prioritising and scheduling. This week involves making a note of what you’re doing throughout the week. I constantly feel I do not have enough time but deep down know I waste vast amounts of time (generally on games on facebook).

In September I reduced my hours at work with the hope of making work more manageable and things at home easier as well. Sadly I’m not feeling that good about my decision. I still don’t feel I have enough time at home and work consists of the same quantity of work with one less day to do it in.  I had dreams of my day off being a relaxed day but instead its a manic dash to do the shopping and washing and then fly around on the school run and then ballet lessons. At the end of my day off I look forward to escaping back to work!

I’ve read before about noting times and identifying where time ‘goes’ but have never actually done the exercise. This time I’m going for it! I struggle in the same way at work as I do at home. I have messages and emails that I think I will sort the next day and often I pass them on and on for a week or two. Not good.  I’ve read various ideas in the past about dedicated times to work on messages or emails but again never tried it. I know as well that I’m easily distracted and can end up doing something totally irrelevant to the job I was meant to be doing in the first place.

I’m planning on noting the time at home and at work for the next few days to try and make things easier for both. I also have to start thinking about what I actually want to do with any freed-up time. I’d said in an earlier post that this year I had conceded that my sewing has to take a lesser priority this year as I simply do not have time. I like to think somewhere I can still keep doing something. Its a difficult balance. I like to keep busy as I’m happier when I’ve got lots to do. On the other hand, I take on too many commitments and eventually become overwhelmed. In that situation its my personal choices (eg. my evening class) that get dropped. Others needs end up taking priority over the things that I would like to do.

I think at the heart of it is that I’m just as important as everyone else and putting myself a bit higher up the priority list isn’t such a bad thing.

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Selfishness?

I’m looking for a word and can’t find it. I have decided to be more selfish but not in a bad way. I say yes far too easily – out of some obligation to stop hurting peoples feelings and as a result I feel I spread myself far to thinly and I end up far down the list of priorities.

When Samuel was really ill I made the decision that I had to put more importance on myself – if I wasn’t in a fit state to look after my family then I felt things would be even worse. This was part of the reason I got help to sort my head out rather than battling on without saying a word.

My plan to say ‘no’ more often is going well and I’m finding it easier than I thought. I’ve been back at work for three weeks and so far it has been a really positive thing for me. I am really tired from it but in general I am feeling the benefit of being there. Part of putting myself higher on my list of priorities involves keeping out of office politics that don’t concern me and not worrying about things that don’t directly involve me. A situation is brewing and I’m keeping a firm grip on my feeling of ‘not my problem’. It’s between two people and as they’re adults they can sort it out themselves.

I’ve booked a day off work to sit down, do some serious crafting and get selling some things on the internet. Purple Gerberas has now extended on folksy and I hope to have some things on there by next week. (Thank you Mel I’ve booked an evening class to start in the summer as well just because I want to.

So, I’m being more selfish but I don’t like the word selfish as its negative and I don’t feel I’m doing a negative thing. I talked about this at counselling and the suggestion was that if ultimately putting myself as a higher priority means I am better able to care for my family then is it really selfish? Does less altruistic fit the bill? Suggestions welcome!

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