I’m looking for a word and can’t find it. I have decided to be more selfish but not in a bad way. I say yes far too easily – out of some obligation to stop hurting peoples feelings and as a result I feel I spread myself far to thinly and I end up far down the list of priorities.

When Samuel was really ill I made the decision that I had to put more importance on myself – if I wasn’t in a fit state to look after my family then I felt things would be even worse. This was part of the reason I got help to sort my head out rather than battling on without saying a word.

My plan to say ‘no’ more often is going well and I’m finding it easier than I thought. I’ve been back at work for three weeks and so far it has been a really positive thing for me. I am really tired from it but in general I am feeling the benefit of being there. Part of putting myself higher on my list of priorities involves keeping out of office politics that don’t concern me and not worrying about things that don’t directly involve me. A situation is brewing and I’m keeping a firm grip on my feeling of ‘not my problem’. It’s between two people and as they’re adults they can sort it out themselves.

I’ve booked a day off work to sit down, do some serious crafting and get selling some things on the internet. Purple Gerberas has now extended on folksy and I hope to have some things on there by next week. (Thank you Mel I’ve booked an evening class to start in the summer as well just because I want to.

So, I’m being more selfish but I don’t like the word selfish as its negative and I don’t feel I’m doing a negative thing. I talked about this at counselling and the suggestion was that if ultimately putting myself as a higher priority means I am better able to care for my family then is it really selfish? Does less altruistic fit the bill? Suggestions welcome!