Purplegerberas's Blog

A rambling collection of my thoughts about life, my children and crafty things

Self responsibility

on January 7, 2013

I’m struggling with people not taking responsibility themselves and the impact that it then has in turn on me.

I’ve often fallen into the trap of being too nice, too dependable and as a result people put upon me and I end up with far too much to do. Over the last year I’ve become more assertive and learnt to tell others to sort their own issues out. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve not turned nasty, I’m just realistic. An example came this week. A colleague emailed me with ‘can you find out the code for xxxx incontinence pad’. As I opened up google it hit me – if I’m capable of searching on google why doesn’t she do it. I stopped and replied with a polite please look for yourself. Maybe I need to add let me google that for you to my email signature.

I’m now caught though in a balancing act – at what point do I help to benefit myself. One of our childcare providers currently isn’t registered with my childcare voucher provider. We first discussed this in July and she said she would register with them. I backed this up in September with the details of the voucher company and still now she hasn’t registered. Our last conversation about it a few weeks ago was along the lines of ‘I don’t understand what to do’. We’d had the same conversation before. I’d explained, as a parent, I do not know what she has to do but I had given her the phone number of the company. If she phoned them I’m sure they would explain it. Now, at a time when a new bill is due she still hasn’t registered.

The frustrating problem is that we are well catered with childcare vouchers. I can easily pay using this. Spare cash instead is not so easy to find at present. I feel strongly that as a person running a business she should be taking responsibility and registering for something she promised months ago. Why should that expectation fall on me as her customer. We’ve now reached the stage where we have decided not to use her for childcare unless the voucher situation is resolved.

The change in childcare arrangements hasn’t been easy. Steven is coping on 5 hours sleep and we’ve just eaten our tea at 10pm. Not ideal and I don’t feel it’s a long term solution to do this each week. I have huge resentment that we are having to do this simply because someone cannot register on a website. There aren’t alternative arrangements that we can use other than working it out between ourselves.

So, am I cutting off my nose to spite my face? Do I carry on scraping together cash that I don’t have when I have a very healthy voucher account which has too much money in it? Do I take responsibility for someone’s business when they are a grown adult and just as capable of making a phone call as me?

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