Purplegerberas's Blog

A rambling collection of my thoughts about life, my children and crafty things

Our deepest fear

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Focusing on the important things

The week before last was my final fellowship module. As always it was an excellent and inspiring few days away. The overall theme was personal resilience – something that I feel is an issue for me as I tend to get a bit defeatist when things aren’t going smoothly. That said, my outward appearance is probably one of calm and in control whereas in reality in my head I’m sick with worry, know that I am unlikely to sleep that night and visualising the worst case scenario. So yes, I was looking forward to this module.

Jeremy Snape from Sporting Edge came to speak to us and gave a really simple but powerful message on focusing on what is important. A number of things really struck me – focusing on goals and differentiating that from a dream. Making a target practical and tangible on a daily basis is important to increase the chances of success at a later date. All the small daily actions add up and remembering each day will contribute to that end goal. He talked about a ‘to don’t’ list to help avoid distractions and to ensure the things booked in your diary are ones that actively contribute to your long term plan.

I’ve been thinking quite a bit about my work life balance and the feeling that I’m struggling to manage things well and keep my sanity in the middle of it all. I’ve had a minor work epiphany and made a few changes to put myself (and my happiness) first.  I’ve stopped answering my phone on my day off, I no longer look at work emails in the evening and I am doing my utmost to keep work at work.  I’ve started saying no and been surprised that no-one has been horrified by my reaction. Its encouraged me to say it more often. I had a coaching session yesterday and we discussed this. I’m currently working at setting boundaries for my service and I’m now in the process of setting my own personal boundaries and making it clear to people that I am not an endless resource that can be used constantly.

I’ve joined a gym as part of the plan to look after myself. I’m making sure that I get time on my own and  can use my stress in a constructive way. The steam room is also a bonus. My weight is still an issue and I’m getting disheartened by the lack of progress. I’m hoping that the regular exercise will have an impact soon (if not I will be seeing my GP and demanding my thyroid is checked!)

We’ve also been busy tidying up part of our garden – the plan is for this area to be a child free relaxation zone. I’d like an arbour so I have somewhere to sit out in the evenings. I also have a mild irrational desire for a japanese maple.

So at the moment life isn’t too bad. The only sad thing is that our cat died at the weekend. I had the difficulty of explaining it to the children. I still have to work out how I’m going to explain burying his ashes in the garden. Samuel keeps asking after him, Eloise wants to know why I took him to the vets after he died and I keep thinking I’m seeing him waiting at the back door as usual. Still a little strange and foreign without him.

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Catching up with myself

Life continues at a silly pace but I’m happy and going with it at the moment without too much stress.

I’ve been busy for good reasons….

Jubilee weekend

I took the kids to Mum and Dad’s caravan for the long weekend and we had a really good break. A well timed day off also meant that I was able to help out with a school event for the first time and it helped ease my conscience over the home/work balance

Work and fellowship

Work is still a bit unforgiving. I can see some light at the end of the tunnel but know that this pace will probably continue for some time. I’m comfortable with this level of pressure though and am starting to see some progress and benefits of the effort I’ve put in so far. Its also encouraging me to keep on with the projects and changes that I have planned. I had to meet with our new commissioners last week and it was a really positive meetings with offers of support for developing my service. Again this is an opportunity that places more work on me on a short term basis but I feel it is worth it to make positive, long lasting changes that will make a significant impact on improving the level of care that we provide.

I’ve passed the second essay for fellowship and now have to focus on the final 8,000 word assignment. I’d created a wonderful plan of writing 1,000 words a week but that has been scuppered by a member of my team fracturing her hand over the weekend. All my careful planned study days have gone out of the window as I try and ensure that all clinics and appointments are covered.  I’ve booked the week after the deadline off work so will fully appreciate that holiday!

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