I’ve had a busy few weeks hence my lack of posting.
I’ve got my first essay for my fellowship due in next Monday and it’s reaching a crucial stage. I’m past the halfway mark and not entirely happy but oh well, it’ll be handed in in some form or other next week. My brain is already trying to preserve itself for the next one which follows just a few weeks after.
I’m fed up with work. There’s lots of bickering and stressing between various team members and my attempts to sort it last week went disastrously wrong. I felt totally useless and like I had totally read the whole situation wrong. I’m struggling under the sheer quantity of work and adding the essays and fellowship study days into the mix hasn’t helped. I’ve had a headache for 8 days (today is the first headache free day 🙂 ) and now have a cough and feel generally rubbish. I had yesterday off sick to try and clear the headache – I had two phonecalls from work even though I had rung in sick. Both related to things that they could have sorted themselves. Today (my normal day off) was slightly better – just 3 text messages. I find it hard to leave work behind and I think this shows that they follow me home as well. I know this isn’t a good situation and it isn’t doing me any favours.
Today was my first headache free day for over a week. It had been bothering me. It was a bit like a migraine but I felt I was functioning too well to class it as that bad. However you define it, it was annoying me. In a very rash moment on Thursday night I decided I’d had enough and I went caffeine free. My caffeine intake goes up when I’m stressed, as does my alcohol intake. It’s known affectionately as the ‘caffeine and alcohol diet’ in my office eg. “Things must be bad, Karen is back on her caffeine and alcohol diet”. Five days later I’m pleased to report I am still alive and functioning on a good level. I manage to wake in the morning and I am sleeping so much better. My only complaint about it all is try going into a shop and buy a sugar free caffeine free drink – your choice is either coke or full fat lemonade. Not a good choice. I refuse to drink water!
I had a trip to outpatients with Samuel last week and all was well. He needs another cardiac review in September but other than that things are still fine. He’d previously been on an annual cardiac review so the 6 month interval has worried me a bit – the rational part of me is telling myself at least he’s seen and checked before the winter which we know is always a period of time he struggles with. The irrational part of me is still reading into every minute detail that is given to us and thinking they are concerned about a deterioration. At the hospital I told them that he has been really well, apart from chicken pox in February and hadn’t even had a cold since we last went in December. Typically he woke up the next day with a stinking cold and cough. Last night it went into high temperature and then a weird rash this morning – hand foot and mouth. We’re now confined to the house for the next five days so I’m hoping this is the last of the sickness for the winter season.
As Samuel can’t go to nursery I’m off work tomorrow as well. The enforced break has done me (and my essay) good. I need to keep the good feelings lasting once I go back. I’ve got chemistry meetings with potential coaches arranged for the end of the week so I’m taking that as a big positive step in the right direction to sort out my stress and worry.