Clutching at Straws

I feel like I’m really struggling with everything at the moment.

Far too much to do. Things going wrong left right and centre and I’m desperately trying to keep a calm level head in the middle of it all. A couple of people at work are trying to make a drama out of relatively minor things whilst being critical of those who are getting on with life despite difficult challenges being thrown at them. One person in particular loves to take someone else’s crisis and turn it into their own melodrama and she has been on top form this week. I’ve had a very strong desire to just shut myself in my office and hide.

I’m away next week on a fellowship module then on annual leave for the next two weeks. The following week brings another fellowship module. I’m going to be away from work for 4 weeks at a time when several fairly major things are kicking off and need sorting. I’m petrified of what I will return to and I’m risking it over shadowing my holiday. I’m missing team meeting and today wrote out everything that needs to be passed onto the team. The general theme was ‘I asked you to do x, I emailed you about x, I made a crib sheet showing how to do x, we frequently discuss the need to do x at team meeting. X is not being done. What do I have to do to make you do it?’

The desire to scream and then slap people can be quite overpowering at times.

I know I am again being a miserable tired moany person who probably needs a slap herself more than anyone.

So, a sad straw clutching exercise about the positives –

  • Finally replaced the rear bulb in my car after half an hour of swearing. I can now drive at night without the fear of being stopped by the police (Its been out for 3 weeks – I know I’m bad)
  • Took the cat to the vets yesterday for his boosters. This had also been on my list of jobs I didn’t have the energy to sort. He’s going into the cattery in two weeks and my conscience told me I had to get them done now. He had one manky tooth but our vet is very honest and said it wasn’t worth the money to get one tooth done. He’s got to go back in 6 months in the hope that the rest of his teeth are bad enough to justify cleaning them.
  • Got my new phone. I love it. Also feel very sad that I like to read the Guardian in bed at night.
  • Samuel no longer cries when I drop him off at nursery. Since changing nurseries in November he had been hysterical whenever I left him. I found this hard as he’d never cried when I left him at his previous nursery. Even though they told me he was fine within a few minutes of leaving him, it still always unnerved me.  I’m now going to work feeling happier about leaving him.
  • Someone from IT managed to get my VPN log in for my laptop fixed today after two weeks of dithering with service desk and BT.
  • I bought a new handbag from ebay for such a bargain price I feel guilty that I paid too little for it. I felt I was taking a risk but the bag was immaculate.



  • And most importantly…….13 sleeps until we go on holiday





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