Purplegerberas's Blog

A rambling collection of my thoughts about life, my children and crafty things

A good good day :-)

Samuel had an appointment at the hospital today and they doctors were thrilled with him. His stenosis appears to have improved. They said this generally doesn’t happen so they’re confused by it but nonetheless happy. His cardiac function has also improved so it was gold stars all round. I was very pleased when they said they don’t want to see him again for 6 months. This added to my feeling that Samuel’s heart problem is becoming less of a feature in our lives and that we are now able to forget about it in general and get on with things. There was a time when I thought I would not be able to be this casual about it but he does seem really well at the moment so I’m grabbing the positivity and going with it.

I’m plugging away at my 101 list – getting there gradually. I’m trying to tell myself 1001 days is a long period of time so it’s not going to kill me if it takes me a couple of weeks to think of everything. I’m also thinking and planning for the things already on the list so it’s all progress.

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101 things in 1001 days

I’ve found a great site to feed my list obsession and to formally put down what I want to achieve – the Day Zero project

Problem is I’ve now got to commit to a list of 101 things – can I even think of that many. I’m trying to put the length of time perspective on it and I’m also determined not to let it descent into really small pointless things.

Here we go!

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Mission complete!

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Life is always better when the sun is shining

I’ve had a really good week. Very positive.

It was my 30th birthday on Monday and I had a great weekend and birthday. I’ve eaten far too much and I’ve drunk well in excess of my weekly alcohol units. Never mind.

My manager has announced she is taking early retirement next year and has asked me if I’m interested in her job. I am so she has agreed to help me and work out what I need to do to be in the running for the job when the time comes.

I’ve had agreement to change masters courses and work have agreed to fund the new one (just the small matter of dealing with the failed assignment first but it will be done!)

I have started work on clearing our bedroom to start redecorating. I have filled three bin bags with stuff from under the bed and I’m only half done! I’m embarrassed to say there’s that much rubbish but my new middle name is ‘ruthless’!

We’ve booked our holiday for next year and after a mild trauma of getting travel insurance for Samuel I managed to sort it today for a normal price.

Samuel seems really well heart-wise at the moment. About a month ago he had a blue episode and I was worrying as he was sleeping a lot and seemed cold all the time. For the last couple of weeks he has been good which is helpful as we have a hospital appointment on Tuesday.

I had a lovely letter to say my tax credits are going up lots! We were seriously worrying about how we were going to pay our monthly nursery bill but this has taken that worry away (hence the holiday booking).

I’m winning a bid on eBay at the moment (typing this may curse me though).

Theres a bottle of rose in the fridge with my name on it.

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Plodding along

Time for an update. After a flurry of posts last week I lost momentum and haven’t got round to posting but here we are.

Been very busy – work still going well and life is generally positive. Samuel has been ill with conjunctivitis and got sent home from nursery. Another trip to the doctors. I’m finding it a little frustrating that he’s picking little things up and already I’ve missed two days at work through him being ill.

I had Monday off work to get my folksy stuff online. I didn’t get as much done as I’d hoped but its a start. I’m furiously knitting a bag to get that online and I have some ideas for some new bits to work on next. I’m learning to take things at a pace and it doesn’t matter if it takes me a little while to get where I want to go.

I’ve been mulling over going back to university to carry on with my masters. I’ve currently suspended my studies after Samuel was ill but I still have to hand in an assignment that I failed last September. I’ve been struggling with whether to redo it or just forget it and walk away. My head is saying do it but my heart is saying I can’t be bothered. We talked about it in my life coaching session today and I think I’m going to do the essay. I’ve booked some time to go to the library and sort all of the old work out and have a think about things. I’ll see how it goes. Deep down I don’t want to return to doing the rest of my masters but I know I have to to help my chances of promotion. The list has come round for the next group of modules and there is nothing on there that interests me. I’ve decided to look for an alternative course that I could transfer onto and I’ve found one that is 100% online and would be funded by work. I’ve also decided to just aim to get a postgrad certificate first rather than aiming for the full masters. If I do the certificate and I’m happy then I can continue. I’m not putting pressure on myself – I’m trying hard to keep my new ethos of small achievable goals.

Tomorrow we’re off to Nannycaraban for a family weekend. On Saturday I’m doing a sponsored walk to raise money for the Children’ Heart Federation so we’re hoping for good weather (I’m not convinced). It’s also my 30th birthday on Monday so I’m intending to eat lots of cake and drink lots of red wine.

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Selfishness?

I’m looking for a word and can’t find it. I have decided to be more selfish but not in a bad way. I say yes far too easily – out of some obligation to stop hurting peoples feelings and as a result I feel I spread myself far to thinly and I end up far down the list of priorities.

When Samuel was really ill I made the decision that I had to put more importance on myself – if I wasn’t in a fit state to look after my family then I felt things would be even worse. This was part of the reason I got help to sort my head out rather than battling on without saying a word.

My plan to say ‘no’ more often is going well and I’m finding it easier than I thought. I’ve been back at work for three weeks and so far it has been a really positive thing for me. I am really tired from it but in general I am feeling the benefit of being there. Part of putting myself higher on my list of priorities involves keeping out of office politics that don’t concern me and not worrying about things that don’t directly involve me. A situation is brewing and I’m keeping a firm grip on my feeling of ‘not my problem’. It’s between two people and as they’re adults they can sort it out themselves.

I’ve booked a day off work to sit down, do some serious crafting and get selling some things on the internet. Purple Gerberas has now extended on folksy and I hope to have some things on there by next week. (Thank you Mel I’ve booked an evening class to start in the summer as well just because I want to.

So, I’m being more selfish but I don’t like the word selfish as its negative and I don’t feel I’m doing a negative thing. I talked about this at counselling and the suggestion was that if ultimately putting myself as a higher priority means I am better able to care for my family then is it really selfish? Does less altruistic fit the bill? Suggestions welcome!

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Saturday 9: Changes

There are things in my head I want to write about but don’t really have the energy at this moment in time. I’m trying to ease myself in gently with a meme as a cheat!

1. Tell us about one thing that you’d change about yourself if you could.
My hair – it has this half-hearted wave in it that can’t decide what it wants and can’t be tamed. I like minimal hair care so obsessive hair straightening is not for me. I don’t mind if it was curly, I don’t mind if it was straight. It’s the in between indecisive nature of it I can’t handle. I had it cut yesterday and we’re entering an ’embrace the curl’ phase. I predict it’ll last a few months before I get fed up! That reflects my attitude to hair in general – I can’t be bothered. I don’t like making decisions on what to do with it (I’m rambling now aren’t I?)

2. Mattel decides to make a Barbie-like (or Ken-like) doll of you — what would be the most important accessory or accessories they would absolutely have to package you with in order to portray your lifestyle?
A sewing machine or a large fabric stash.

3. Hey, do you like surprises? If yes, what kinds?

No – hate them! I am a very typical ISFJ. The only ones I like are little things like finding a £5 note in my purse that I’d forgotten was there.

4. What was the last snail mail that you received that was significant?
After I’ve sifted through the 3-5 rubbish election letters each day, there isn’t that much there. Yesterday Samuel received his wetsuit from Heartline. Its to help keep him warm when swimming and to try to prevent him going too blue too quickly. We can’t wait to try it out.

5. If you could pick out a brand new nickname for yourself, what would you choose and why?
I’m not really one for nicknames. Eloise seems to have more for me – the main one is ‘Mummy Pig’ which suits me fine at the moment.

6. John Edward’s mistress was on Oprah this past Thursday. She stated that no third person can break up a marriage, so it had to be broken before the two started doing the nasty. Do you buy that?
Really not sure. I think if there is an issue in the first place then someone is more likely to look elsewhere or be open to offers from someone else. An affair is the responsibility of two people – you can’t entirely put the blame on the third person.

7. Do you think it is okay to keep secrets from your s/o?
Small things yes – like I’ve bought stuff and not told him. I took a day off once and went off at my usual going to work time in my work clothes but went shopping instead. He was irritating me a lot and I needed some peace and quiet. It worked a treat. Might have to do it again soon.

8. Have you ever played Truth or Dare? If yes, what’s the weirdest dare that you did?
Nope – I’m very boring and hate any game like this.

9. What, in hindsight, the stupidest thing that you have ever done?
Reversing into a parked car last year.

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