Purplegerberas's Blog

A rambling collection of my thoughts about life, my children and crafty things

Brown Envelopes

on March 23, 2010

Why do brown envelopes always mean something a bit ominous? I had a really good day yesterday then came home to find the post waiting. In it was the GP letter from Samuel’s outpatients appointment two weeks ago.

It said that the murmur has changed since his last appointment – its louder and the valve pressure has also deteriorated. The stenosis is now classed as moderate compared to mild before. Although this in itself isn’t bad it’s bothered me that if it has changed this much in three months, how long can we realistically go without him needing further treatment? I think deep down I was hoping that he would tick along with no changes for a good few years (ever the optimist!) I don’t think I really expected a negative change within 3 months. I think I also had convinced myself that I was comfortable with this whole situation and this letter has just demonstrated to me that I’m not.

It also made reference to his ‘poor start’ in life and also said considering the starting situation he has done very very well – better than they had expected. Although this is a really positive aspect it just reminded me of how bad things were – even the doctors didn’t think he’d do that well. It’s another reminder of how uncomfortable I am with things.

So, lets be positive. Samuel had another nursery visit this morning. It went very well and he didn’t cry so I’m feeling better about that. Our GP has started him on gaviscon and it seems to have helped – he is happier and more settled when feeding. I bumped into the health visitor last week and managed a conversation with her without getting upset. She tried again to say that Samuel is finds life difficult because I do. Day to day I don’t feel I find things difficult – despite the letter I am feeling very happy at the moment. I was able to just smile and say nothing and let her continue thinking I am some Munchausen by proxy mentalist. I laughed about it with Steven when I got home. A couple of months ago I would have been crying and worrying about what she thinks of me so I see this as progress!


3 responses to “Brown Envelopes

  1. SuperGirlWrites says:

    Oh Mate ((( )))

    You are doing so well, I am totally in awe of you, I would have fallen apart so many times before now.

    Well done you, it will take time. I remember my aunt and uncle coming to terms with my cousins heart issues and it took a long time but she’s a healthy, beautiful, chavvy 15 year old now!

  2. michelle says:

    Ahh Karen, you’re so strong, i really admire you!

    You have one beautifully gorgeous baby boy xxx

  3. memyselfandotherthings says:

    If anyone can do this and get through this then you can. And good for you at smiling at the evil biatch of HV, some people do not even deserve you getting angry at them. What does she expect you to do: Shall you bounce up and down 24/7 in joy because your son has a heart problem. Stupid cow.

    You are doing well. Let’s grab a coffee soon:) xo

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